The Why

The proverbial “they” say you can accomplish anything if your “why” is big enough. From the day Dr. Krantz looked me in the eye and said “It’s cancer, stag 4 Lung Cancer and it is inoperable”, my why has been crystal clear.

When I say my Why, it is the why I am going to beat this thing, it’s the reason that I will never give up, it’s the reason I have to keep living. My Why is pretty big and pretty simple. I have a wife that loves me, I have two kids that love me and need me. That in and of itself is a pretty big why. However I’ve learned some pretty big lessons on the meaning of family and friends. I’ve always known mom & dad, Greg and Chrissy love me. Not sure I knew how much. The support that these people have given me has been unbelievable. The biggest lesson I’ve learned is what real friends are all about. The support from people who I haven’t spoken to in years has been overwhelming. All this is my why. I am not going to let these folks down. As my brother Greg told me the other day I will walk Harper down the aisle.

Every now and then the why pops up front and center. This morning was one of those days. While I was sitting at the table eating breakfast with the kids and listening to Chordettes classic song Lollipop, both Harper and Miles got up and came over to sit on my lap. Not sure why but tears started rolling down my checks, then it dawned on me. I can’t stand the thought of not being there for these two.

These guys can brighten my worst days. It has been interesting watching Harper try to figure out what is going on with daddy. She laughed when my hair starting falling out, and to think I was worried how she would take it. She expresses concern over a few scars that I have and is genuinely concerned when I head to the doctor’s office or a treatment. Miles on the other hand really has no clue that anything is going on and he is the reckless dare-devil that he has been since he entered the world. This kid is strong as an ox and fearless. Our biggest daily challenge is literally to make sure he doesn’t kill himself jumping of tables, sliding boards, or impaleing himself with some object. He might be the happiest kid on the face of the earth as the smile in the picture indicates.

The “why” pops up front and center with my wife almost daily. These are my favorite pictures of my wife and I. I’ve often said that if you look the work fun up in the dictionary the picture on the left is the best definition. The picture on the right is obviously on our wedding day, and I think the picture shows the excitement we are both feeling, although it isn’t one of Veronica’s favorites. My wife and I are very different people and at times are relationship isn’t easy. However when stuff gets serious she is always there for me. From little things like making sure all my meds are out so I don’t forget to take them, to being my chemo buddy, to actually giving up her corner of the couch so I can just veg out and watch a movie on the bad days Veronica has been there. We have way too many things left to do together for me to tap out early – she is a big part of the why.

I can’t forget Mom, Dad, Greg and Chrissy. These guys have called almost everyday to check in on me. I’ve shared more laughs and more tears with them in the past 60 days than I have in the previous 50 years. The support, prayers, and well wishes are much appreciated.

The most amazing part of my why is something that was totally unexpected from me. I have received over 100 cards of well wishes from friends I have talked to in years, not to mention the emails and facebook messages. I can’t wait to beat this beast and spend a little time in the Ville and drinking some beer with these folks and telling a bunch of stories that I am sure time has only made better.

#Third Monkey

#Just Beat It


  1. Continued prayers for healing

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