The days after Chemo seem to be the toughest. Not so much the side effects, for the most part we have those under control thanks to my wife. It is the emotional roller coaster. I have never really been a touch feely kind of guy but there is something about Chemo that causes me to be an emotion wreck. My last treatment was Tuesday and as expected Wednesday was fine, but Thursday – Sunday has been a mess. Thank God’s it’s Monday and the emotions are back in check.
Achy, tired, slightly nauseated, and general malaise. This is combined with head trash, not sure why it pops up after chemo but does. Doubt, mostly, a doubt in the treatments, are they working, a doubt that my family will run out of money to pay for treatments, doubt my support will collapse. It is really the worst kind of doubt, because there is no rhyme or reason to it. The worse is the doubt when it comes to Harper and Miles, regardless of what happens will they be OK.
Just when you want to throw in the towel, not on the process but certainly on the day some little miracle happens and you get the energy and strength to push through. Today my 12-year-old niece and her family stopped by from Midland, MI. Let me give you a little background,I am going to keep it at a high level because there is no need to get into the health conditions of a 12-year-old. Let just say Amelia has had issues with her digestive track since birth, not your run on the mill issues but serious stuff. This summer it all came to a head and she needed to have several surgeries to fix the issues. Now I know when I was 12 the last thing I wanted to deal with would have been a number of surgeries during the summer, that’s my time.
Well Amelia handled it like the champ she is. No real complaints, no woe is me, no this isn’t fair, just a grin and bear attitude that most adults could learn from. Well yesterday as we were all sitting around talking Amelia walked across the room and reached for a bag. She handed the bag to me and said this is for you, it helped me when I was going through my stuff this summer and I am sure it will help you now.
Literally the water works started immediately. Here is a 12 year old, that I can only imagine what the sign mean to her, giving it to her crazy uncle (they really do think I am nuts) because she cares. Who does that? I mean she just went through hell and now she is giving her comfort pieces to me. Amelia I will never be able to thank you enough. You have no idea how much it means to me. Your kindness and genorisicty is amazing. By the way please don’t tell anybody you made me cry.
#Just Beat It