Well today is the day. The day I should find out if the current treatment plan is working. Needless to say a day like to today is a day of pins and needles. The silence of just going through the treatments ignorantly, doing what you’re told to do has a certain appeal. There is no accountability living in the cone of silence. No real worry or concern about what the ultimate outcome will be. Like the millions of victims that are convinced that they are on a snipe hint, or like the other millions that blindly follow the lemmings off the cliff going through the treatment without knowing if it is working is a dead-end street.
Today the piper comes calling.
Unlike the cone of silence, this morning I enter the Tube of Truth. The tube will give my medical team and I the cold hard facts. Are we making progress or just going through an exercise of poisoning myself with some pretty toxic chemicals every 21 days.
Although the Doctor tells me there are two outcomes that he will view as positive, in reality there is only one. The one that I am looking for the cancer has shrunk and not advanced to other areas of my body. He says as along as there is no growth it is a victory. My thoughts are no growth means there is no progress.
So here is how the day is looking:
8:00 AM Drink the first 10 oz. of the Omnipaque solution
9:00 AM Drink the second 10 oz. of the Omnipaque solution
9:30 AM Arrive at Evanston Hospital and report to radiology
9:45 AM Get to the CT Room and begin prep with nurse hooking the contrast dye up to my port
9:55 AM Enter the machine. It wouldn’t be my treatment without a SNAFU. As they begin injecting the contrast dye and sliding me in the machine, I feel fluid running down my neck. I say something they pull me out of the machine and then notice that the connection from the dye to the port wasn’t tight. Problem gets resolved in the tech starts taking the pictures.
10:05 AM I am leaving the CT room and ask for a copy of the pictures. I am told the doctor will have the results by early afternoon. Armed with this information I am expecting to hear something by early afternoon. I ask for a disk of the pictures and I am on my way.
My wife and I stop to grab a bite to eat, pick Harper up from school and we are home before noon.
It is roughly 2:45 PM and I still haven’t heard a peep from anybody on the medical team. Needless to say the anxiety this is creating is nearly unbearable. God please help me if they are going to leave me hanging all weekend.
So we are sitting at 4:00 PM and I just called the office. Pretty confident I now have a flag on my file. When the person that answered the phone asked what message I wanted to leave I said I don’t want to leave a message I want a human being to speak with me that knows what in the hell is happening. She put me on hold came back on the line and promised I would have some news and would not be left hanging all weekend so the wait continues. I feel like the old Heinz commercials … anticipation is making me wait. Well we are now at 5:03 and nothing. My nerves are about fried. I am sick to my stomach and starting to get very irritable. This should almost be illegal, we need a patients bill of rights.
Well it’s now after 7:00 PM Central Time and no call, no email, just me and my thoughts. The worst part about it is there is nothing I can do. I’ve often said since my diagnosis I feel like I am the most vulnerable I’ve ever been. My future is uncertain, my ability to make a living is uncertain, and things I used to take for granted are very much uncertain. All I wanted today was a 2 minute phone call. Whether the news is good or bad I just wanted to know. My appointment with the Doctor is Tuesday so I am going with the theory that ignorance is bliss. Going back to the cone of silence. I’m going to be a good little cancer patient and wait on the almighty doctors to tell me what to do and how to do it. I’ll continue to fight knowing that I have a lot of people in my corner, and my doctor is doing a job and like everybody doing a job he is going to do what it takes to not get fired but I can’t count on much more than that.
#Just Beat It