I’ve learned a lot during the past three weeks. A lot about myself, a lot about my wife and family and a lot about Cancer and its treatments. I’ve always thought I was better at handling the big stuff than the little stuff. I think I’ve proven this to be true. Needless to say, I need to work on handling the small stuff much better. I’ve learned that my wife loves me more than I can imagine. She has been by my side the entire time. She sat by my bed when I was in the hospital and all buzzed up on dilaudid, codeine, and other narcotics most likely being a babbling idiot. She has been by my side for my Chemo treatments, let me remind you these are pretty much all day affairs. All the while holding down the fort at home. Making sure my kiddos are taken care of. School for both my son and daughter, dance and swim lessons for Harper and maybe the toughest job making sure Miles doesn’t jump off the roof or impale himself with some sort of semi-sharp object.
Surprisingly I’ve learned my daughter is a lot smarter than a 3-year-old should be, she knows something is wrong with daddy but isn’t quite sure. Maybe I am wrong but there isn’t a need for a girl who is that young to know a whole lot about Cancer. She knows daddy has holes in his side that look better and that he has steri-strips on his chest in the form of an H (for Harper obviously). Every time I leave the house she asks “are you going to see the Doctor so he can look at your holes?” or “are you staying at the hospital tonight?” Both bring tears to my eyes every time.
Myles my 22 month old doesn’t really know what’s going on but, what he does know is daddy isn’t picking him up as often as he used to, or that sometimes when he jumps on daddy, there is a wince of pain that wasn’t there before.
I think about these two often, and what the future holds for them. Although I don’t think it is the case, these guys may be faced with growing up without their daddy. They’re great kids and they don’t deserve that fate.
I’ve also learned a lot about my family back home. The support from my Mom & Dad has been unwavering. I know it is killing them, in fact I was scared to tell them about the diagnosis because I was afraid of how they would react. The reaction has been one of overwhelming support – so much so that my dad shaved his head. The support from my sister and her family continues to be incredible. Not only has my sister been an advocate, she has introduced me to some of the nicest people on the planet. As I’ve mentioned before both my parents and sister have had their scares with cancer, this makes them uniquely qualified to understand my situation. Jules my niece has made me things and checks in via text and snap chat that always puts a smile on my face.
I’ve also learned treatment has come a long way, literally light years. If I would have been diagnosed a few years ago immunotherapy wouldn’t have been an option. Although not yet standard treatment it is becoming more common and thank God I am part of a trial that will give me access to this cutting edge treatment.
I’ve learned that everyone takes bad news differently and there is no right way or wrong way to handle it. I am thankful that the people around me can put up with my morbid sense of humor and are letting me handle this the way I want to handle it. I’ve learned that Cancer doesn’t define a person unless you let it define you.
As We, my family, myself, and all the readers of this blog and my supporters get ready to start round 2, I am looking forward to being one step closer to the end.
Thank you for reading and the continued support.