Hello Darkness My Old Friend

Hello darkness, my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again.

Another morning and has been the case for the last 6 or 8 weeks it around 4:30 AM and Jeffy finds himself sitting on the couch alone with the morning darkness, silence, and his thoughts. Not a good combination.

Because a vision softly creeping, Left its seeds while I was sleeping, And the vision that was planted in my brain, Still remains
Within the sound of silence

I’ve done my very best to put the visions of darkness in the recesses of my mind, where no one, not even me can find them, however every now and then they creep and get front and center. Not going to go into what those visions are, but you can imagine the types of visions with a cancer diagnosis.

In restless dreams I walked alone, Narrow streets of cobblestone, ‘Neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light,That split the night, And touched the sound of silence

The neon light, all yes that neon light that just flashes all the negativity, scary thoughts, and keeps those fears front and center, can someone please turn out the neon light. The trip down the dark and narrow streets is bad enough with out the neon light.

And in the naked light I saw, Ten thousand people, maybe more, People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening, People writing songs that voices never share, And no one dared, Disturb the sound of silence

Thousands of people in the same boat as me, all trying to put on a brave face, and for the most part face the future and the uncertainity with courage however when the silence breaks, the fears and the tears coming rushing in like a title wave. It’s bound to happen, right? The diagnosis is cancer for heavens sake, and we are only human.

Fools, said I, you do not know, Silence like a cancer grows, Hear my words that I might teach you, Take my arms that I might reach you, But my words, like silent raindrops fell, And echoed in the wells of silence

Fools the silence is welcome, the silence is our chance to make sense of our diagnosis. I long for the silence, when the silence breaks if when things become unglued. Please let me have my silence back – maybe the silence is a good thing. Give me your arms to hold me everyone likes to be held, speak to me that comforting wording we all like to be comforted.

And the people bowed and prayed,To the neon god they made, And the sign flashed out its warning,In the words that it was forming, And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls,And tenement halls.And whispered in the sounds of silence

Bow and pray that’s all you can do, bow and pray not to some neon god, or some mircle drug but bow and pray not only for healing but for strenght to handle it all with dignity and hopefully inspire other to do the same.

Good Bye Darkness enough of you today.

Comments

  1. I’m so so sorry you are going through this Jeff. Your words are beautiful, inspiring and heart wrenching. Sending you prayers for peaceful silence.

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